in which i am a complete & total hypocrite

hypocrite: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings (aka: Natalie Totten)

Olivia had a dentist appointment today...for a filling. {wah wah waaaaah}

I know, I know, shame on me for my child having a cavity. I felt so horribly guilty. But, before I go through that spiral of shame again, I feel I need to state my case. Its a defect in her tooth. It wasn't caused by poor dental hygiene. Her tooth didn't form properly, evidently, and it left a little spot uncovered by the (insert correct scientific word for it - it's not enamel but kinda like it). Anywho...after her check-up in September we were told she needed to have 2 fillings done.

Enter dental appointment for Olivia. It didn't go well. Shots. Drills. Entire Experience. Horrible. I know this, you know this.

I HATE the dentist. I hate the dentist (well not the actual dentist, she's a nice lady). I hate the work they do. Teeth cleanings. Fillings. Anything where I am sitting in that green chair with the bright light shining on my face with my mouth open to the point of pain. Being forced to carry on a conversation when someone's hands are in my mouth. I have a near anxiety attack before every single appointment. I'd rather go to the lady doctor every day of the week than ever have to sit through another single dental exam. I hate it that much.

So how on earth am I supposed to tell my daughter not to worry. Be brave. It won't be bad. In my head it's like ::DANGER DANGER DANGER:: alarms sounding & I have to be this complete & total hypocrite. Then I turn into the "do as I say, not as I do" mom.

Well, Olivia has always loved the dentist. I have tried so very hard not to push my fear off on her. I play it up, "Yay, we are going to the dentist! I can't wait to see how shiney they can get your teeth!" Every appointment has gone fabulous for her. Until the dreaded 1st filling. I prepared her the best I could. Yes, there will be a shot. Yes, it will hurt for the time they do the shot. After that, you are numb. It ain't so bad. You can do it. You are so brave. It will be over quick as a flash.

She had a less than positive experience at that appointment for the filling. I don't know, maybe I didn't prepare her enough. She didn't enjoy it. She cried. They were going to do both of the little fillings in that one appointment, meaning shots on both sides. After they got one side done, Olivia didn't wish to proceed & the doctor referred her to a different dentist. They told me & I quote "we want her to have a positive experience at the dentist". In my mind, there is no such thing. But what do I know...

Olivia did go through with her appointment today for her 2nd little tiny filling. I stayed in the room with her. I stared at the ceiling the entire time & broke out in full body sweats when the needles came out. And the drill, oh the drill. I hate that noise. Olivia, evidently, also hates that noise. But we made it through. Her in the chair with her little fists clenched with a death-grip on the iPod. And the music so loud I could make out every single song. And me, in the corner also with my fists clenched. Sweating. Staring at the ceiling. Trying to not be a hypocrite.

I cannot believe you are making me come here for this appointment.

I'm so relieved that is done & over with.