dreams

I have never been one to put much stock into the meaning of dreams. Maybe it is because I am a cynic & I just don't buy into all that mumbo jumbo. Like if you were to dream about a waterfall, that would be symbolic of you letting go of your negative thoughts & energy, or it represents your goals & desires. {yes, I googled that just for this post} I don't buy into it, not even a little bit. That could have something to do with the fact that I don't dream about waterfalls. I once dreamt that someone broke into my house & stole all of the stuffing out of my couch cushions with a huge vacuum. What does that symbolize? Anywho...I will get to the point of this post.

My current condition started the Monday night before I went to the hospital. I was sound asleep, and it takes a lot to wake me. I shot right up, it was the worst stabbing pain in my left side in my ribs. I thought to myself, oh man I really over-did it when I was cleaning Sunday & must have pulled something & then just moved the wrong way. I brushed it off. The pain continued, although it wasn't constant. Off & on all day Tuesday when I was at work I would get this sharp stabbing pain again & again. Tuesday night, the pain was in full force. I was convinced it was gas or indigestion pains. I didn't sleep well at all. Wednesday was more of the same, except worse. Every single breath hurt. I unhooked my bra at work - something that I would never dream of doing. I couldn't find a comfortable position either sitting or standing all day.

I web md'ed my symptoms. It said it right there, pulmonary embolism. Seek immediate emergency medical care. But did I, oh no. I still thought, I will be fine. I don't need to go to the hospital or Dr. After all, I had a Dr's appointment for my annual physical already scheduled for Friday. I told Jarrett, if it still hurts then I will talk to the Dr about it. Jarrett didn't buy it. He called his mom, a former nurse. She told him, take her to the hospital right away. Chest pain is nothing to fool around with. You may be wondering why my own Mom didn't tell me to go to the hospital. See, the thing is, I didn't even tell my Mom. I knew that she would come & pick me up & take me herself. I was too scared. I knew it was going to be bad news. Wednesday night was unbearable. I slept probably 1 or 2 hours tops. I couldn't get comfortable at all. I cried out in pain several times during the night. I took 3 aspirin before I tried to lay down to sleep - something that helped me in the long run I guess.

During that restless horrible night, when I managed to find some sleep, I had a dream. The most clear & vivid dream I have ever had in my life. In that dream, my Grandpa came to my house. He hugged me & held my hand just as I did to him the last time I saw him alive. He said to me, "what are you doing, Nat? Get yourself to the hospital. I want to see you, but this is too soon. I love you. Go to the hospital." As soon as I woke up, I had Jarrett take me to the emergency room Thursday morning. We all know the end result. Maybe I still don't believe in the whole business of interpreting dreams. But this particular dream was not open for any interpretation. It was pretty cut & dry. I have an angel watching over me. An angel who knows exactly how stubborn & stupid I was being. An angel who will be watching over me and the rest of his family from now until we all join him.

I've only told Jarrett & my Mom about this dream. I'm so incredibly thankful for everyone who sent prayers & well wishes my way. Especially this man, my Grandpa, my angel. Thank you. You are forever in my heart.